Being in a relationship is hard.

 

Codi and I are both artists in the extreme. I do not say that out of any kind of ego. In truth, it often feels like some kind of curse. What I mean, is, we are both ever seeking to live out truth. We are also humans; therefore, we often fail. We fail, as we live out our lives, to hit that precise tone which rings true in our own hearts as a re-expression of reality as we see it. It’s a process which never ceases, this examination of life, searching for truth, the struggle to understand it, the pain of trying to re-share it through the particular lens which is ourselves. 

It’s exhausting, difficult, inconvenient, confusing, stressful and ridiculous. I also happen to believe it’s the only life that makes any kind of sense, because, for the kind of person that I am at least, if I’m not always learning more about why I’m on this earth and what the point of it all is, no pleasure or  experience alone will ever make this life worthwhile to me.

However, trying to understand it all within your own self is frightfully difficult; and trying to put it to words and share it with the person who knows you best, who can tell when something deep within you is even just slightly out of sync, who is sees the places in you that you thought were invisible to the outside world is near impossible. It’s so hard. And when you can’t share it, you feel even more out of sync with yourself and everything else. I suspect that many relationships simply halt at this stage, as trying to share the truth as you see it with another is simply too hard.

But that, I’ve learned, is not the whole story. If you continue on in relationship, past obstacles and derailments, you can learn to communicate with each other in a way much deeper than words will go. Words help get you there, but they can only go so far, because they are not Truth. Truth is what IS. Words, at best, can only tell you about what is, they are not the Actual Thing. The same way that a photograph of a tree is not the tree the way the tree itself is, no words can ever communicate the truth that you feel deep in your heart, which yearns to be understood. But I’m learning that knowing, and being known, can allow that. And sharing truth between two souls is worth all that we go through in relationship. 

I’m glad I get to know you, Codi Ann Thomsen. Thank you for wanting to know me. I’m looking forward to spending the rest of our lives figuring this out together. ❤️ 

 

 

Cycling, fishing and exploring.

It was a really rough week, so my Dad, brother and I decided to go explore a section of one of our favorite fly fishing creeks that we'd never fished before. It turned out to be one of the most exhausting days we've ever had, and the un-explored section of creek, while pretty, turned out to be completely un-fishable. But such is the risk of exploring, and we are explorers.